


Brokenwood Elementary

by Lilac_Panda



Category: The Brokenwood Mysteries
Genre: Alternate Universe - Kindergarten, Attempt at Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilac_Panda/pseuds/Lilac_Panda
Summary: All our favorite detectives, plus some other familiar faces causing trouble in the kindergarten classroom. Will Brokenwood Elementary still be standing come July?
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. First Day

"Hello and welcome to the first day of Kindergarten at Brokenwood Elementary, my name is Mr. Hughes and I'm sure we're all going to have a fantastic year together," A tall balding man announced to a class of fidgeting five to six year old's. "Now to get to know each other we're going to go around the class and all say our names, what we want to be when we grow up and an interesting fact about ourselves. For example my name is Mr. Hughes, I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up and I like watersports. Okay why don't you go first?" He gestured to a curly haired little boy sat on the blue table.

"Hello my name is Mike Shepperd, I want to be a detective when I grow up and I like country music." The little boy announced to the class waving happily.

"I'm sure your going to be a wonderful detective Mike." Said the man and gestured to the blond little girl on his left, "Okay your turn now sweetie."

The little blond fixed her teacher with a death glare before proudly stating, "Don't call me sweetie my name is Kristen ." 

"Okay, I'm sorry Kristen," he replied, trying hard not to laugh at the scowling girl.

"My name is Kristen Simms, I'm going be a spy when I grow up and I do karate lessons."

That sounds like lots of fun Kristen. All right how about you now?" The teacher asked the tall ginger boy in the next seat along.

"My name is Sam Breen, I'm going to be a rugby player when I grow up and I like playing on the X-box."

"That's great Sam and I'm sure you'll win all you games. Now you." He said gesturing to the last girl on the table.

"My name is Gina Kadinski, I'm going to be a tennis player when I grow up and I have a puppy called Bear. The little girl reeled of in a thick accent.

"You talk weird." Another little girl with brown hair pulled back in a bun sneered across the classroom. 

"You look weird." Gina shouted back immediately glaring darkly.

"Girls!" Hughes raised his voice before a fight could break out, "In this classroom we are kind to each other or we go in time out. Now Gina talks differently not weird, and that's because she is from Russia. Apologize to Gina now please."

"Sorry Gina," the brunette muttered at the other girl. 

"And you please Gina" 

"Sorry person I don't know yet, " The little girl replied a little darkly.

Thank you girls. Now why don't you introduce yourself?" He asked looking at the little girl sat at the yellow table. 

The girl shared a look with the little boy on her right with the same dark fair and pale skin before they chanted in tandem, "We're Ray and Trudy Neilson, we want to be pilots and we're twins."

"Okay twins," said Hughes a little taken aback by the display, "And what about you?" 

"My name is Rory Parkes, I'm going to be a race car driver and I do karate too and I'm better than Kristen ." The boy sat to their right towering over the others on his table responded proudly 

"No your not!" Kristen yelled indignantly across the classroom but before Hughes could intervene the final boy on the table jumped to his feet and announced proudly 

"My name is Dennis Buchanan, I'm going to be President when I grow up and I'm the best at everything."

"That's nice Dennis I'm sure you'll do a fantastic job as president." 

"Yeah because I can make people do what ever I want and I can eat all their chocolate and make them give me their toys because I'll rule America!" He yelled excitedly.

"Gina do you think we could all go to Russia together." Mike whispered to his table-mates, causing them to burst out laughing. Mr. Hughes simply ignored them and quickly moved over to the red table before Dennis could carry on talking.

"My name is Frodo Oades,"

"Your real name please." Injected Hughes,

"Frodo is my real name," The skinny boy replied with absolute certainty, "And I'm going to be a famous chef when I grow up and my favorite food is ice cream and corndogs."

"Alright Frodo you have a lovely name." Said Mr. Hughes deciding to pick his battles knowing how stubborn five year olds can be when they've decided something, "And what about you little Miss?"

"My name is Tanya Freeman and I'm going to be a singer and I like Little Mix" The little girl answered a little quietly hiding her face behind a curtain of dark hair.

"Yes Little Mix is an amazing band, and I'm sure one day you'll be even better than them Tanya." The teacher told her kindly, "Okay your turn."

My name is Neil Bloom, I'm going to be a Doctor and I do swimming lessons with my little brother."

"Wow I bet your really good at swimming Neil. And last but not least we have?"

"My names Petra King, I'm going to be a modal one day and marry you Mr. Hughes and I have two kitties, Snow White and Cinderella."

"That's very nice Petra but I think I may be a little old for you."

"No your not darling, we're true loves that means nothing can ever separate us." The little girl replied reassuringly tossing her blond curls. 

"But Petra," Mike yelled from across the room, "We got married at the park yesterday, we're supposed to be together forever!"

"Sorry Mike but we're getting a de-voice, I've found my true love and we can't ever be parted."

"Well then you've got to give me my football back. Congratulations Mr. Hughes I hope you're happy together." Mike agreed not seeming too upset by the lose of his wife. 

The teacher watched all this in slight disbelief although was relieved to learn the girl's affections would probably be redirected by next Monday. "I'm sorry Petra but I'm afraid I'm not allowed to get married to my students."

"That's okay." The girl replied still surprisingly cheerful. "Every princess has to wait for her prince so I can wait for you dearest." 

"Petra you need to call me Mr. Hughes and nothing else alright?" Was the teachers tired reply.

"But then how will everyone know about my love for you, sweetie pie." She shot back. For the moment the teacher decided to simply allow the kid to get bored of him on her own and move on with the lesson before Kristen chimed in,

"Mr. Hughes if you need a restaining order my mummy is a lawyer, she knows how to get one."

"What's a restaning order," asked Sam curiously.

"When a person has to stay away from someone else because they're being annoying or scary. My mummy got someone from work one when they followed her home and threw stuff at our house and shouted bad words."

"Okay thank you Kristen," Mr. Hughes quickly headed of the little girl before she could elaborate. "Now I'm sure we're going to have a great year together and all become friends. The first thing we're going to do today is colour in these tags to stick at your seat so you know which place is yours." 

Before long the squares of paper had been scribbled over in a variety of colours and the bell had rung to signal break, sending the children spilling out into the playground. The monkey bars and swings were immediately swarmed and the children of the blue table who had been released last were left to stare longingly. 

"Do you have anyone to play with?" Gina finally asked as they all stood looking at each other.

"I was meant to play with my my wife Petra. But now she's de-voiced me and she's swinging with Frodo." Mike admitted

"I only know Rory from karate class and he's stupid." Kristen moaned looking longingly at the monkey bars.

"My friends Garry and Roxy are going to Riverstone Elementary." Sam added.

"We should all be best friends," Kristen announced firmly, "Then we can all play together."

"We can be a secret club like on TV, I've always wanted to be in my own club, but Roxy and Gary says it's stupid." Sam agreed enthusiastically . 

"Okay," Mike nodded, "but if we're going to be a club we need a base."

"There!" Gina yelled pointing excitedly and they all raced over towards a rainbow bench under a large oak tree in the corner of the playground. 

"Okay now we have our base we just need a name then we can be a proper secret club, like the Famous Five or the Saddle Club." Kristen decreed happily taking her seat.

"No we should do letters," Mike suggested like the FBI or CIA.

"The CIB for Children In Brokenwood," Offered Sam, "then only we'll know what it means."

"No lets do CIB for Criminally Interesting Buddies that sounds better. Kristen ordered and received three nods of agreement.

"Okay everyone raise your hands," Said Mike grandly, "Do you solemnly swear to always be kind to and help, share and play with your fellow members of the Criminally Interesting Buddies and to never tell tales on each other or tell grown-ups our secret name, even under pain of death or not getting pudding."

He received three replies of 

"I swear!"

"I do!" and

"Yes!" so responded,

"And now we're a secret club, just like on TV so now we're always friends with each other and we won't de-voice each other."

"So what should we do first?" Gina asked with a mischievous smile only for all their faces to drop as the bell calling them back inside rang.

"Aww no not fair." Sam whined as they clambered off their bench to run into line.

"We can play again at lunch," Kristen replied, "We're friends forever now."


	2. Chapter 2: Training For Aliens

For the new members of CIB the next hour seemed to last for eternity as they gave each other secretive smiles as they completed a colour-by-numbers in near silence putting their teacher very much on edge, sure that the four were up to something. When the bell finally rang they were off like rockets, grabbing colorful lunch boxes and heading the line into the dining hall.

"So now what do we do?" asked Sam as they took their seats and unpacked their lunches.

"I don't know." Mike admitted, "On TV there's always just stuff to do. Is anyone here an alien or a robot?" He sighed as his friends shook their heads in negative. "Do you think the schools about to shut down, or is someone going to move away unless we stop there parents?"

"I only just got here." Gina pointed out sadly. Before they could throw around any more ideas Kristen noticed Sam staring intensely at the sandwich she was about to take a bite of.

"What?" She asked looking slightly confused as the boy nearly drooled at her.

"Sorry," He squealed turning red, " My mummy wont buy ham any more and it's my favorite. She says we've gone vegetarian." 

Kristen cast a critical eye over Sam's lunch before deciding, "I'll trade you for your jam, Mummy says it's to sugary." 

This quickly spark a hurried bout of trading resulting in Mike taking Kristen's crisps for his cake, Gina swapping Sam's apple juice for her water and biscuit, and Kristen exchanging her watermelon for Gina's grapes and half a cheese string. When all the kids had gobbled down their new lunches and headed outside to the bench now dubbed The Station by Sam, who admitted he got the idea from Fireman Sam they were still facing the same lack of aliens and superpowers.

"Maybe we need to wait for the aliens," Gina suggested as they watched all their frustratingly normal classmates. "They might not know that there's a secret club here yet."

"So while we're waiting we need to train." Kristen agreed, "We need to practice so we're good enough for real fights, so when aliens or robots or bad guys do come we can fight them off and save Brokenwood Elementary."

"Okay," Mike agreed smiling widely, "we can all learn super secret skills so when the aliens come we can kick their butts."

"Maybe we should learn to climb the frame really good. So we can get away from the monsters," San suggested gazing over at the climbing frame Dennis and Frodo had vacated in favor of the swings.

The group headed over and laid claim to the apparatus, Kristen and Sam scrambling straight to the top while Gina and Mike followed behind them with considerably more difficulty.

"Right, Mike wheezed as he finally made it to the top, "When the bad guys do come we can hide up here and then we can throw something at them to make them go away and save the world." 

"What are we going to throw?" Gina asked, spotting the obvious flaw in the plan. 

"I know." Kristen said as she shimmed back down the frame and scooped up handfuls of the soft bark. The little blonde had a far harder time making her way back up with her hands full but eventually she managed and distributed the grubby pieces of wood to her new friends. "Aim for the trees right there," she suggested pointing at the small wooded nature reserve fenced off at the end of the playground.

Of course none of them could throw far enough to reach anywhere near the trees but they were happy enough trying. Right up until one of Sam's throws went particularly wide right as one lunch lady Mrs. McTavish came closer to see what the children were up to and was hit right in the face with the bark. The kids stopped dead for a second before bursting out laughing at the stunned look on the woman's face as she stood their eyes wide with a smudge on her cheek where she'd been hit. 

"All of you down here now," She bellowed at top volume making everyone on the playground stop and stare as her face turned an alarming shade of red and the group only laugh harder.

Less than five minutes later Mr. Hughes was thinking regretfully of the slice of cake his wife had baked abandoned in the staff room as he stood in his classroom looking at a glowering lunch lady and four still sniggering children hands and various items of clothing caked in dirt, not even one day in! 

"Children you cannot throw things of the climbing frame it is very dangerous, you could have taken Mrs. McTavish's eye out. That is not funny Gina!"

"But then she could have an eye patch and a parrot and make us walk the plank." Gina giggle cheerfully but not maliciously. However the vein in the woman's neck looked worryingly close to popping.

"No more throwing things from the top of the climbing frame" The teacher ordered firmly much to the dismay of the group before him.

"But we were training for when the aliens invade Brokenwood," Mike protested, "So we can fight them off." 

That was one he hadn't heard before, clearly this lot were an imaginative bunch.

"No aliens are going to be invading Brokenwood..." he tried to reason but was cut off by Sam insisting, 

"Yes they will otherwise it'll be boring."

Deciding that today wasn't the day to debate the likelihood of an alien invasion with a group of five year olds, the teacher just plowed straight ahead.

"You are all going to apologize to Mrs. McTavish, and promise me that you wont go throwing anything else of the climbing frame."

"Sorry Mrs. McTavish, we promise Mr. Hughes." The foursome chanted back to the adults.

"But you'll be sorry when the aliens come and we can't help you." Kristen added somewhat ominously. The Lunch Lady looked somewhat mollified and so headed back outside to the playground.

"Now I want you all to go wash your hands and then come back and sit in the time out area for five minutes and think about why it's wrong to throw things that could hurt people and to laugh if you hit people, then you can go back to Lunch okay?"

The children all nodded their consent and skipped off to the bathrooms quite happily. Mr. Hughes settled himself at the desk and started on working on next weeks lesson plan as they dripped back in and settled themselves in the time out corner around the bean bag. He didn't realize anything was wrong till he glanced up and remembered he had forgot to set the timer and left the children their for nearly fifteen minutes. For a moment he panicked at the far to quiet children but then relaxed seeing them all fast asleep in the corner. He thought for a second about waking them before deciding their was no harm in letting the kids get a bit of a head start on their after lunch naps. It would keep them out of trouble at least, he had a feeling they were going to be keeping him on his toes.

**Author's Note:**

> This may or may not be a result of me loosing my mind to cabin fever while binge watching all six seasons. It is also my first fanfiction so love it or hate it please review and tell me what you think.


End file.
